February, 2023 Download
The passage of time (and my maturity)
Updates!
This last month has been a whirlwind of course projects and work. Despite this, I’m still fully on track to graduate in April 2023. I’ve decided to not participate in UBC’s graduation ceremony, and instead I want to throw a graduation party in Hood River, OR. I think this will be more accessible for people, and it’ll be a good excuse to show my friends and family my keg-stand powers.
I’m still waiting to hear back from most of my graduate schools. Unfortunately I did not get accepted to the program at Cornell University, but I had an interview with a professor at UC Berkeley which seemed to go well! While I’m still feeling excited for graduate school, I am also starting to think about alternative options. Maybe I will take a year off, maybe I will get a second BS degree, or maybe I will try and find a cushy job. I have no at the moment.
I have decided to have February be a sober month (yes, I purposefully chose the shortest month of the year). So far I am feeling very good and there is a level of clarity to my experience which is very welcome. Only a week in and I’m already feeling more rested. I have noticed a small spike in my anxiety since I stopped smoking weed. This is probably a combination of my not smoking, and the fact that I have a lot going on at the moment. Overall, it feels good to exert some boundaries upon oneself (just to prove that you can).
The 12th was my birthday! I turned 23, which officially puts me into my mid-20s… I do not feel qualified to be this old (which I’m sure is hilarious for my older readers). These last two years I’ve spent my birthday mainly alone, practicing self care. It’s been really refreshing! I used to place so much importance and expectation on my birthday, but the lack of expectation allows me to enjoy the day so much more. That’s probably something I could extend to my entire life… but that sounds like a lot of work and I would much rather only do it once a year.
Future Plans!
While graduate school is still at the top of my list, I am looking into other post graduation options. I want to go into the bioengineering and biotechnology industries, so I am trying to find the best path forward. I am fairly confident in my ability to get a Masters in Applied Science at UBC, but I’m not sure if I want to stay in BC for much longer. While it has been a wonderful experience, I am over the city life. I have been looking into moving up to squamish or over to the North Shore if I do end up pursuing a MASc at UBC.
I am looking into potential jobs or travel opportunities for after I graduate (assuming I don’t dive head first into graduate school). If anyone has any ideas or knows of any cool employment opportunities I’d love to hear about them! I am hoping to get into the bioenergy and environmental engineering industries. If you have any questions, you can find my resume(s) on my website here.
Insights/thoughts!
I’ve transcribed some poems/journal entries from my last month below which I really think are interesting:
“Existence is empty. From the smallest subatomic particles to the vast infinity of the universe: Everything is empty. Most of our world is made of nothing: Infinite voids sparingly broken by miniscule collections of energy. Maybe we instinctively seem to fill these voids–either through the physical or spiritual. We find ourselves yearning for material goods, love, or purpose all in an attempt to subvert the fundamental nature of existence. Emptiness. To find contentment is to come to terms with the vacuum of existence. Everything, from atoms to infinity, is empty.”
“The maze of lights guides those who need it most. Whether through the dark or shadow, the light will be there to help illuminate. The light also hides the things we may not wish to see. In the shadows dwell our deepest fears. Only through exploring those dark places can we truly know ourselves. The maze of lights is an organic, shifting place which can only be navigated by trust…”
I’ve also been thinking quite a lot about our modern problem of loneliness. One only needs to look at the plethora of dating apps and services to notice a social demand. We are living in, oxymoronically, the most connected time in human history and the most isolating. Suicide is Generation Z’s second leading cause of death… which fills me with sorrow. I've been thinking about this feeling of loneliness and isolation which we all experience and I’ve run into this issue: Are we actually alone, or do we just lack purpose and/or meaning in our interactions? What is the difference between the feeling of loneliness and the feeling of purposelessness? It often feels like there is a distinct lack of meaning to our modern existence, and I’m trying to understand if this is where this epidemic of meaninglessness comes from. When we feel adrift, we can't value the interactions we’re having daily–mainly because we are stuck searching for our own intrinsic meaning. This lack of purpose blinds us to the beauty of the present. We are so intent on looking for meaning on a grand scale that we miss the meaning in everyday interactions. Missing the trees for the forest, as it were.
Here’s some music that I’ve been very into lately:
And here are some cool podcasts I love:
The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish on Spotify
Ologies with Alie Ward on Spotify
Closing Remarks!
This is only my second newsletter, but I am still really enjoying this exercise. This month’s letter doesn’t contain as much info as the first newsletter needed to catch everyone up, but I hope someone can find value or connection in the things I’ve written. Future letters will be more similar to this one, filled with random thoughts and general life updates.
As always, I really appreciate your time and your energy!
Much love,
